I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
sex in a hospital.. check
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
