so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
