its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
