That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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