All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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