my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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