I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
