Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
