he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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