Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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