You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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