I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
