I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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