I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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