we made out on top of his cat.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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