I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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