U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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