What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
