the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
