M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
