My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
