it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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