i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
