what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She just used a chaser for red wine.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
