There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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