I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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