I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
