Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am mentally ready for anal.
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