saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
