My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
