you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
