If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
