Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
