remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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