Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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