My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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