I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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