he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize