so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
