Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize