Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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