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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
