i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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