I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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