we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My liver just had a heart attack.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
