.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
