Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
