I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
