i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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