cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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