i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
either way he was missing a nipple.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
