At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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