I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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