Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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