You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
