Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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