I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
