just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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