just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize