The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
