I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
