My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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