Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
