Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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