marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
