What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
