Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
