His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
