what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
