Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
