I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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