You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
