It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm so fucking centered right now
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
