at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize