At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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