Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
